Marrying Your Cousin Is Wrong?
Aug 12th, 2007 | By andy | Category: MISCI had a long conversation with my friend today. And during that conversation, somehow subject of marrying first and second cousins came up. Her immediate reaction was, ‘No that’s wrong! and it’s disgusting!’ and my reaction was same as hers.
But that really got me thinking… Why is it wrong? When I really thought about it, I came up with couple of reasonings behind my way of thinking.
The first reason I know is because of the higher chance of passing on bad genes which might result in birth defects. After researching this, I found out that yes the possibilities are higher but negligible. The percentages of having children with birth defects(with completely unrelated parents) are about 2% to 3% and the percentages with cousins are from 4% to 6%. Ask your self this. Would you not have any children if your risks are 4% to 6%? Most people I know, including me, will still think that those percentages are good enough and will not stop from having children.
The second reason I came up with is the law. Is it against the law to marry your cousin? I don’t know about the laws in other countries but at least in USA, you can marry your cousin in about half the states. And I think in certain Asian countries, it is preferred that you marry your cousin.
The last reason I can think of is religion. I am only familiar with Christianity and as far as I know, Jesus allowed and blessed marriage between cousins.
So my real question is, why do we automatically think marriages between cousins are wrong? Is it something that we are just programmed into thinking? or is it just an old way of thinking that needs to be updated? or is it that my way of thinking is completely flawed?
Your reasoning makes it seem as if marrying cousins shouldn’t be as big of a taboo as it is. To that extent, I agree but I still have trouble accepting cousins marrying each other. My first reaction will always be of shock mixed with a little forboding for their future children. I can never imagine marrying my own cousin no matter how much of a connection we had.
That’s kind of the point I was trying to make. You don’t have any good reasons either but it does make you feel troubled..
It’s an ignorant culture. Same way your parents hate homosexuals and your grandparents hate African Americans (no offense to either, of course).
African Americans were considered to be inferior because they were darker. Homosexuals were considered an infected bunch, which, although it was justified, isn’t the case.
Cousins? Well, it’s the image of the south, where all these inbreds occurred and everyone (see The Simpsons for the perfect example) has made this connection because of the exposure to the Southern stereotype. It’s almost a purely American concept, in fact. Try looking for it in older countries and cultures and it’s nowhere near as taboo.
If you are against homosexuals and African Americans, then I can understand why you are against cousins. However, if you have a justifiable reason, all the more power to you. Personally, I approve of cousins getting married, but being raised in the states, I can’t help but find it mildly gross. I only attribute my objective stance to the fact that I’m a science major, lol.
I honestly don’t mind cousins marrying, but i wouldn’t do it. lol. ;P
Yeah, it wakes up a certain feeling inside. I think that society factor plays a big role. The happy couple will always have to watch for others, they will know it’s a taboo and that they can’t just get out with it. It’s lot of pressure, constantly.
Actually marrying your cousin is ILLEGAL in most states; well at least a first cousin. I believe a second (or thrid) is when you can start marrying them. I don’t appericate the comments of how we’re an “ignorant culture” it’s just something we were raised against. All cultures have a group they consider inferior (take the Japanese for example; they will never see Koreans as equals) so to pin America like that means all cultures that have something like that are just as ignorant. Also homosexuallity is also something that does NOT go over well in Korea at all; so they would be ignorant too. And I’m sure we would never find people to call those country’s ignorant. *sigh* what a world we live in. Anyway I think we mostly don’t do it because of fear of how the children will be teased. It’s quite bad.
Marrying your cousin is LEGAL in most states. Even if we consider only first cousins, that’s 26 states that allow it, meaning it takes the majority by one state. Even if we consider Puerto Rico (which, last I checked, allowed it), I wouldn’t say it’s mostly illegal.
America’s ignorant not because other cultures are better, but because its citizens don’t know the science behind what and why. America’s new religion is science, and they take whatever its church says, regardless of logic or reason. Having grown up in the states and asking for the reason (the WHY) behind certain opinions, a more adequate I could not use.
I don’t know why you are jumping to other countries, particularly Asian ones. I mean, if they were related to America’s obsession with justifying their hates and biases, maybe there’d be something to talk about. I’m sorry, but I think you read my statement wrong if you thought having a bias or hate means it’s ignorance. Don’t assume I’ve made a golden rule, and that America’s poorly-defended ignorance can be applied to the world at large.
i know it’s wrong and our society is against it,,,,,,,but,,,,,,( we always use this word when we have doubts don’t we? )…..my parents were actually first cousins…my father died 13 yrs. ago and my mom always remembered him as a good man..he was actually a generous man who sacrificed himself for the sake of his family and others..actually they are both conservative as Filipinos are known to be…but he fell deeply in love with my mom..and so they eloped and got married and had 9 normal children ( my late grandma was against it though but she can’t do anything about it..so she forgave them..and i know God did as well…during their time it was like they live in a small town where they do not have much social life and they only get to meet each other most of the time..and my father would even console himself with the story of Noah..you know what i mean..but it’s still a different story he would say in the end…but he was definitely a good man…now we live in a modern society,,exposed with too many things..different people with diffent ideas etc…now marriage and love whether with a cousin or not..it is becoming more complicated since we do not put God first in our relationships….
Sorry to hear about your father…
Did you ever feel embarrassed that your parents are cousins? Or did you hide that fact? Of course, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
it’s ok…..my parents were so good in making us feel proud of our family..so it was hard for me to feel embarrassed about it…but somehow there are times when you feel these twinges of guilt when you hear people say that marrying your cousin is unlawful,,what more if its with your first cousin…..as a consolation i would think of my parents love with each other..how lucky we are to have them as our parents…and how God forever forgives and understands human frailties….( all of a sudden i miss my father..mr. andy why did you make me cry… sob..)
I’m very sorry if I made you cry…
I’m surprised your parents had the guts to elope. Family is very important to Filipinos (usually) so this came as a shock when you said your parents were Filipino. You telling us that story helped put an emotional perspective on this cousin issue and I thank you for that. I will try to stop my unreasonable aversion to cousins marrying eachother. But marrying my cousin? I can’t consider it because my family’s opinion is far too important to me. (I’m Filipino, too, but I was born in the U.S.)
don’t be sorry……every tear has a purpose…God wants us to be perfected, not to live in a shallow existence….may i quote some of thomas kempis words from “the imitation of Christ”…”neither our faults nor the reprimands for those faults should make us downhearted…as far asour faults are considered,we should humiliate ourselves but never let them upset us…we should not be surprised if we fall and sin,because at times God permits this in order to make us realize our frailty and weakness,and thus we will have recourse to Him Who is our hope and salvation.”
the antidote to suffering is to follow Christ Himsef…….
Just a trivia about “Marrying a Cousin”:
The President’s son of the Philippines marry his second degree cousin.
I think the only reason why there is any taboo associated with marrying a first cousin in the United States is the extent to which we have come from evangelical traditions that demand a strict moral code TO BE PRACTICED BY ALL or suffer the fires of hell, which is eternal suffering beyond which a person could imagine. This still lives in the subconscious of almost all Americans.
It’s not that marrying your first cousin is philosophically understood to be wrong, its that incest will result in burning in hell for all eternity. Marrying and having sex with your first cousin is only wrong by association. There is another hard wire belief in the United States that if you start to allow something, that those things which are associated to it become more palatable and will eventually come about. Therefore everyone thinks that by having sex with their cousin they will be basically having sex with their sibling. So everyone says, “Ewwwww!”
Marriage is a public symbol of lifelong commitment, but there will never be a fully enforceable law that prevents consenting people from having sex that are related in any respect. Incest might produce children that have genetic defects, but only in the case that a child would actually be conceived, of course (If a brother and sister were to lust after one another and perform oral sex for instance, there would be nothing anyone could ever do about this). First cousins would not likely produce anymore genetic defects in their children than parents from two completely different families.
This issue really comes from morality and the unquestioned influence our upbringing and society condition for us to conform to that morality.
marrying your own genetic blood-related cousin is morally wrong, you should never fornicate or be in a intimate relationship with a blood relative, personally i think it is quite disgusting, defects are high as the genes are related to one and other and can cause many medical problems with children, no one should marry their cousin, as they are YOUR MOTHER’S OR FATHER’S SON OR DAUGHTER